My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
