I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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