Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
