what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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