when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
