I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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