Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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