I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize