Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize