a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize