Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
