Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
