Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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