Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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