Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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