my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
