Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize