are you so shy because you have an std?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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