I just threw up on my dentist
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
