Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
