nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
