Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
