His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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