I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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