Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
