maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
