She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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