i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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