so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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