i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
