it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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