Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
