I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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