dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
