are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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