Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
