Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
