Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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