I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
