I wish I only lived at night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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