you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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