Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Randomize