Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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