dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
