I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
