Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
