I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
