woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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