anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
