allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
