Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
