and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize