I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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