I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize