And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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