You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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