I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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