found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
