dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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