Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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